Voices from Childhood

letter from Cynthia

To the male biological 'parent' who I had no choice but to try to live in the same house with. (By the way, this adult male who terrorized children was a New York City Wall Street executive who dressed up in a suit everyday and took the train to work. He looked like a normal human being, but he wasn't.) Here is a list of some of your crimes:

You molested a little girl in the middle of the night, terrifying her. She was afraid to go to sleep from then on, and had to go to school exhausted every day. She was so full of anxiety that she couldn't eat breakfast, so she had to go to school hungry and exhausted.

You described female genital mutilation to her. You described an adult using rocks to destroy a child's genitals to your little 5 year old girl.

You came in the bathroom to stare at your daughter whenever she was taking a bath. Scaring her, she was afraid to move in the water. She sat in the tub, frozen, terrified. What was the sick, psycho freak going to do to her?

You sat her down for what would seem to be a friendly talk. She would be happy you wanted to be with her. Then you would start telling her what a self-centered, bad person she was, and she would be stunned with shame.

You kicked her, hit her so she would fall over furniture. Slapped her in the face and called her a bitch.

You terrified and abused her brothers and sister in front of her. For years she would cry at night, remembering how cruel you were to her brother...throwing alcohol in his eyes, treating him like a criminal for getting bad grades, humiliating him every chance you got.

When in high school your 'daughter' was so depressed she spent all weekend alone, in her room, you criticized her for seeming to have 'something wrong' with her, You had a talk with her, "What's wrong with you, do you need to talk to Aunt Flo?" (No, but a police officer would be appropriate.) Hmmm, stupid scum child molester, what could be wrong with her? Could it be that she's living in a home with two criminals, posing as parents? Could the problem be she's afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of being molested? Could it be that her 'father' makes humiliating, vulgar comments about her breasts and touches them whenever he walks by? Could it be that her 'mother' sees all this and does nothing? Could it be that the only way her 'mother' communicates with her is by criticizing her, treating her with contempt, screaming at her and allowing her husband to abuse her and her siblings? What do you think, moron? Could that be it, you stupid excuse for a human being?

This is another letter to this site, dealing with the male criminal, the male biological 'parent.' I will write another one about the female at a later date.

I remember finding a paperback book at my grandmother's house, and reading it. It was about a teenager who went to stay at a couple's house she had never met before. Her parents had made the arrangements and knew the couple. Somehow that couple was done away with, and two criminals posing as the nice couple welcomed the girl. She didn't suspect anything, and gradually they started terrorizing her. Eventually, she tries to escape and does. That book really disturbed me at the time. I realize now why. That was my life. The biological 'parents' it was my misfortune to be born to looked normal. In fact they were both considered very good-looking. They lived in an affluent neighborhood, posing as parents. My siblings and I went through a public school system considered one of the best in the country. No teacher ever tried to help us. All four of us children were very attractive, intelligent and physically heathly. Every day, when we went home, we walked into a house of cruelty. Both 'parents' actually showed pleasure evidenced by smiling during various acts of abuse. They'd go to parent-teacher conferences and assemblies and look like normal parents. They had all four of their children believing, from a very young age, that they were bad people. We reacted with shame and numbing guilt to our abuse.
To this day, they claim the abuse was 'no one's fault'. They are enjoying their retirement. May they burn in hell.


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