Voices from Childhood











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letter to my Mother

I am in great pain to express the sorrow and anger that I feel about you You have been abusive physically and psychologically toward me since my early childhood. I have been deprived of any form of encouragement and  emmotional support .On the contrary I was very early on (2 years old)  classified has rebellous and difficult and that was that.You are only trouble or you are good for nothing that's was the kind of feedback I got from you. You will never even start to admit that you were far from the perfect mother.You always put yourself in the position of the Mum who devoted her entire life to her children.
Thank you but I didn't ask you to bring me into this world and even less when you new that you could hardly cope with already a girl and a boy but 3 children where not enough no no 3 more were added . You should look with your eyes wide open at the effect you have had on your children:
the eldest  daughter  a control freak  despite a brillant future messed up everything and came back to her native village 37 years ago to live next to you hoping that one day you will tap her on the back saying what a lovely,clever etc daughter she is. It of course didn't happen and my sister his bitter and has more spikes then an  sea urchin .
Because he was a boy your second child escaped your sarcasmes and thanks also to his wife they manage to stay away from it all.
The sister after me never got married , is overweight , and spend most of her free time at your house.
My younger brother is an alcoolic quite ill at 55 year of age , he was molested by priest in his college but you never admitted that and the whole story was forgotten ! He married an older women who has serious psychological problems they and their 2 children were always supported by you they live next to you (instead of takling the problem upfront you helped with one hand and criticise at the same time).
The only one that was cherished by you was my youngest sister unfortunatelly she married a very lazy man and struggle financially despite your  help.
I couldn't concentrate at school, my teenage years were terrible I spend my life reacting to your irrationals orders at the age of 20  when I tried to commite suicide you said that I was just blackmailing you . You never noticed my bulimia and when I finally  managed to get a diploma you didn't even bothered to congratulate me.
Now, having spent most of my adult life away from you   I am back not to fare ,you are a widow living alone in a large house that needs lots of maintenance we were willing to help but never got  a thank you so now we really do the minimum and I really don't feel the need to contact you anymore.The family gathering are quite difficult I don't say anything otherwise you jump on me . All you can do is criticise .
Thank you mother.